This is my project to change myself. For real. Starting today (12:01 pm to be exact) I will become a new woman. How did it all come to this?
Today one of my worst days ever. Would you picture me- a teenager in the thoes of the "best years of her life" sitting in a Long John Silver's drive through with a stomach pooch, unkempt hair, and a face splattered with acne. My morning was no better. I woke up with a migraine and a pile of unfinished homework glaring at me from the other room. I don't want to get into a sob story, but my oh my, am I one pathetic S.O.B. I've had severe depression for 2 years...like not leaving the house, doing makeup, or hanging out with friends depression, terrible fights with my parents, skinny fat, and a major procrastination problem.
Back at Long John Silver's, Pink Floyd's "Time" was on the radio.
Lyrics, please:
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say"
That was a wakeup call. I was living my life as Hazey Jane (see the great Nick Drake), but I think it's time to stop and maybe leave some of my complexes behind. I've prayed to God, and now I guess he is going to help me through this because now is the time. This is over. Today I will be new. A new set of rules, and a new outlook on life.
I must say that I am already content with much of my personality. I am deep, caring, strong, have great taste in music, am a sixties girl at heart, have great fashion sense, and I am righteous. But I need a new set of wings to carry myself and all of these good qualities into a new life and out of this dull "existence". I will become confident, fit, prettier, accomplished, and organized.
Meet the Idols of my new world
Brigitte Bardot:
She's gorgeous and inspiring.
How will I live like her? Become involved in animal's rights, become a vegetarian, exude sex appeal. And copy her eyeshadow style.
Mata Hari:
Take belly dancing classes, have more feminine poses, be more demure (Lie once in a while. It won't kill me...Maybe she's not the best example, but you get my point.)
Brigitte Bardot:
She's gorgeous and inspiring.
How will I live like her? Become involved in animal's rights, become a vegetarian, exude sex appeal. And copy her eyeshadow style.
Take belly dancing classes, have more feminine poses, be more demure (Lie once in a while. It won't kill me...Maybe she's not the best example, but you get my point.)
Audrey Hepburn:
Have good posture, rarely swear, never exceed 103 pounds (so far so good), never waste money on cheap "just because" clothes, get down to a 23 inch waist (she had a 20 inch waist, but I am happy with 23"), be polite (I am proud to say that I am), and eat happily in small portions. Take up gardening and audition for some movies and plays. Volunteer. Be well spoken.
Patti Boyd:
Attain her figure before this summer. Have a sweet British grace and a lovely subdued hairstyle.
This girl should actually be at the top of my list. She is an amazing YouTube makeup guru and the sweetest person you could imagine. She is so inspiring and kind. Out of all the women I have written about, my aspiration to be like her is certainly the most genuine.
Okay, so I am going to write all of these women (those of whom are still alive) a letter and request an autograph. I will tell you how that goes.
I have to say that this all feels rather phony, but nothing could be worse than where I am in life now. I have nothing to lose, so I don't see who I will be betraying. Time for a new life. And a life period ;)
This has been a rather long post.
P.S. If I ever find a cure for acne, guys, I promise I will tell you all and not stop shouting it from the rooftops until every face on earth is clear and smiling. I promise :)
Right- I have a few weeks worth of homework to finish by Monday morning, so I shall be off to bed. Goodnight Everybody.
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